missing him…

 

See this kid? Yeah…that kid standing next to me. I miss him. More than you can ever imagine. Especially today. Today SUCKS. Today is a day that I cannot wait to end. What I wish is that I could go back to this moment right here in this picture and just stay in it, just so I could be with him. That’s all I want is just to be with him. Doesn’t seem like a lot to ask, be really it is. With all of the people getting married lately and all this “love in the air”, well I’m jealous. Sooooo jealous. I’m jealous that they have what I can’t. I’m jealous that I can’t do the simple things that everyone else can. I can’t text him, I can’t call him, I can’t see him, I can’t touch him, and I can’t hold him. All I have is pictures. And really, I wish I would have taken more pictures with him before he left. I feel like I barely have any pictures of us together and it makes me so sad. Sometimes I think to myself…

             Can I do this?

Is all of this worth it?

                                  Am I strong enough?

I have a bunch of songs that help me get through a lot of things. Ya know when you hear a song and it seems like the artist wrote it just for YOU? Well these ones were written for ME…

Rascal Flatts-Here

“And if that’s the road God made me take to be with you…

Then I wouldn’t change a thing

I’d walk right back through the rain

Back to every broken heart

On the day that it was breakin’

And I’d relive ALL THE YEARS

And be thankful for the tears

I’ve cried with every stumbled step

That led to you and got me here, right HERE”

 

Jason Mraz-I Won’t Give Up

“I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

Still looking up.

I won’t give up on us

GOD KNOWS I’M TOUGH ENOUGH

We’ve got a lot to learn

God knows we’re worth it.”

 

I’m not trying to say that I hate all of the people that can be with their boyfriends or husbands. Because I really am happy for all of you guys. And one day I’ll have that. I’m also not trying to say that I wish Mike wasn’t on a mission. Because that is the last thing that I wish. It’s really just a difficult and confusing situation. I guess.. I just gotta think….how much more satisfying is it going to be knowing that all of my sacrifice and pain wasn’t for nothing?

 

Basically this post was just to say…

I miss Mike Raines <3